Dear Non-Pregnant Person...

NOTE:  I did not write this.  I 'borrowed' it from THE BABY CENTER (actually, Aunt Amanda sent it to me and I borrowed it from her)...however, I find it AWESOME and completely encompassing my feelings/beliefs/fears about being pregnant.  Enjoy!

Dear Non-Pregnant Person, 

I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice. 

1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is 'Congratulations!' with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an ass. 

2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase 'my baby'. 

3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it. The same goes for the name of the baby. 

4) The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman. 

5) Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance, and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is 'You look fabulous!'. 

6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. 

7)There is a reason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to 'help out'. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it. 

9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping. 

10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less. I hope this helps- it sure makes us feel better. 

Signed, All Pregnant Women  (most specifically, Lori Herndon Waddell)

~sweet caroline~

so we weren't going to find out.  actually, i was adamant that we not find out and the beej wanted to find out really bad.  but it didn't matter--it was my body and i didn't want to find out so we weren't going to.  period.  end of discussion.

at some point, though, it became more important for bj to know than it did for me not to know.  so i decided that for father's day, we'd find out...that would be my gift to bj.

he had no idea.

so we went to the doctor (and amidst a major breakdown regarding the amount of weight i've gained) i asked dr. nix (who, by the way, is the absolute BEST!!!!)  if she would check baby w out and tell us what he/she/it was.  i figured she would just verify what i already knew--Herndon Finn Waddell was on his way.  bj's face was priceless...he was really excited that we were finding out and i knew that i had made the right decision! (thanks andy stanley for teaching me that in our families, we have to put each other first)

so we went back to the ultrasound room.  dr. nix said based on the pics we brought over from the perinatal clinic that she thinks it was a girl.  i told her she was wrong.  so she gooped the goop on my belly and rubbed the wand over my abdomen and said, "heres the head and the arms and there, yeah, i'm pretty sure it's a little girl--no turtle heads, here."  bj and i were in shock, complete shock.  it was weird.  bj's first words were, "I have to start saving for a wedding".  it was hilarious!!!

so i have a little legacy growing inside me!

and i'm really stoked (though the pink and purple is going to drive me crazy, that is for sure).  i would have been fine having a little boy...it really didn't matter one way or another...but this little girl is going to be very loved (and spoiled).

CAROLINE LEIGH WADDELL

she is scheduled to make her appearance 3 Sept 2009 (9-3-09)...now, we just have to get the room ready!!! :)

SO, here is her song (and bj's new ringtone...call him, it'll ring back to you, too)

Where it began, I can't begin to know when
But then I know it's growing strong
Oh, wasn't the spring, whooo
And spring became the summer
Who'd believe you'd come along

Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would

And now I, I look at the night, whooo
And it don't seem so lonely
We fill it up with only two, oh
And when I hurt
Hurting runs off my shoulder
How can I hurt when holding you

Oh, one, touching one, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
Oh I've been inclined to believe it never would

Ohhh, sweet Caroline, good times never seem so good

what happens when you eat all your allotted calories before 9am?

It has become too easy...my caloric intake has become too large.  And before you people start commenting "but you're pregnant" you need to realize that on average, as a pregnant woman, you need only 300 more calories than usual.  And what was normal before pregnancy?

Before pregnancy, I wouldn't dare eat a biscuit from McDonald's or any other drive-thru.  Very rarely would I feast on doughnuts.  I would never, ever be able to down an entire meal complete with salad, breadsticks, and pasta from Georgio's nor would I sit and eat an half a pizza in one sitting (well, maybe if that sitting was  a lazy Saturday and it was breakfast/lunch/dinner).  Certainly, french fries would not be a common veggie on my plate.  I am shocked that my ass still fits on the sofa.  

So I know I shouldn't worry...if I was gaining too much weight the doctor would tell me.  Many people so sweetly note that I don't really look "that" pregnant (and I guess that means huge and massive for 6 months in).  However, I feel my face getting rounder by the minute (yes, I can actually feel my chubby cheeks puffing out).  My breasts are enlarge to a point that I wonder if they'll ever be normal again.  And my thighs are starting to rub together.

I'd go out for a walk, but every time I get to the front of the neighborhood, I can barely breathe.  This extra 20+ lbs has made it difficult to breathe, walk, exercise, function.  I feel like I am a walking bowl of lard.  

And yet, I can't help myself.

It is not long after I complete gorging myself that I desire something more.  It's like, there isn't enough food in the world.  AND IT'S GROSS.

Just plain gross.

we need adult supervision...

i decided i wanted to get pregnant and convinced my husband this would be a good idea.  i suppose we always were on the same "time table"...we'd wait a year after we got married, disregard traditional birth control methods and see what happens.  well, about the middle of july when i was finished with graduate school, the house had been bought, we'd been married for six months and i was confident in job as an english teacher i began to feel strange...like something, someone was missing from our family.  i told my husband how i felt.  his response, "in january."  six months, not so long to wait.  right?

well, i think i whined enough that he finally gave into giving up the birth control in October--almost three months earlier than we originally planned.  i was sure i was going to get pregnant.  not the first month.  not the second month.  by christmas, i was starting feel something different--like maybe i wanted to try  a new career, work full time on my writing and/or take the financial hit and teach college.  i wanted to travel and began to long for my back pack and passport...we could wait another year to have a baby...why rush?

then, a few days after the new year, i woke up and felt terrible.  my boobs literally doubled over night and i felt like i had been in the worse bar fight.  i laid on the sofa for a day or two, convinced i was hungover from the holidays and just needed to rest up before school started back.  then it hit me--i might be pregnant.  anxiety swept over me and i convinced my husband to take me to the store for a pregnancy test.  he swore i wasn't knocked up.  there was only one way to find out.  i pulled the plastic cap off the stick, stuck in in the urine stream, and waited.  

the box said three minutes.  thirty seconds later, a very pink line appeared in the window, fifteen more seconds and the second one appeared.  two lines equals preggers.  i took the stick downstairs to my husband where he sat, feet propped up on the coffee table, playing Tiger Woods on the Wii.  I looked at him and said, "I'm pregnant."  I don't remember being happy or sad...no real emotion coming from my face, merely fact.  I showed him the test.  "Take another," he said...pure panic in his voice.  I could barely squeeze anything else out of me but the few drops i was able to conjure up made it very clear--i was most definitely knocked up.  My husband's response to the second positive:

"Call your mother, we need adult supervision."

as the next few months progressed and i spent more time on the sofa in front of the TV than anything else, i felt like my husband was more excited than i was about the baby.  he wanted to tell the whole world and i just wanted to lay down.  he bought the baby presents and i had to eat.  he wanted to talk about cribs and i just wanted silence.  it wasn't that i resented the little human growing inside of my i just didn't feel at all.  and that scared me.  was i normal?

and then the weirdest thing happened...sometime between hearing the heartbeat (it wasn't until 12 weeks that i actually heard it) and feeling it move inside of me, i realized something new about myself.  i am a mother.  i am a mother to this little person living inside of me and all of those things i thought i wanted somehow don't seem quite as important.  at least, not for me to do alone.  

don't get me wrong, i think these people that are like, "I loved being pregnant" are crazy.  yes, i said it, certifiable.  i haven't had a difficult or rough pregnancy (but i'm only 5 and a 1/2 months along and i still have the heat of the summer to endure so i'm not counting my chickens before they hatch) but i am know that i don't want to be pregnant a lot.  i mean, i'd like to have more than one child.  of course.  but for now, i just can't wait to meet this one...i already worry about who he/she will become, what he/she will like, if they'll love me.

and that, i think, was my biggest problem.

for the first four months of this, i was so afraid that this little person wouldn't love me.  i realize now, it's okay.  i love him/her enough for the both of us.